The Sharpest Knife

Sharp serrated insidious
Foolish mind and heart
Believed the pain was gone for good
Again I feel it start
The daily choices made by me
Keening call of quiet dark
No one who can listen
Or thinks it’s but a lark
I watched my father leave here
My mind shaded even before
This horror show just added
A new act to the floor
I watched a dearest [...]

check please

 
I’m feeling ready to check out now. It’s just a matter of dropping the key in the slot.
It isn’t something new. It’s been a recurrent consideration for a very long time. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression for almost 20 years.
Changes, sobriety, a successful (but stressful) business never completely banished the suicidal ideations. Of [...]

Nights Home Alone, Med Trials, and Fucking Mornings

~~September 8 2007~~

I can see seven hot air balloons up in the sky, not too far from here.
All I have to do is tilt my head from this monitor screen to the window. The balloon races are an annual Reno event. Maybe someone will see that poor bastard Fossett. He still hasn’t been found and [...]

last night i dreamed

Last night I danced in my dreams
and it was so delicious and happy
in a beautiful black dress
and my cool-ass Ray-Bans
even though I also saw
the woman in the green dress fall
down
dead
at the staircase top
a brown bottle rolling down the steps.
I was happy that it wasn’t me
that I stopped avoided those stairs.
So why don’t I [...]