There’s a signpost up ahead

So it’s day 3 back on the meds and all the side effects are creeping me out; racing heart, panic attacks, sweats, the whole shebang. Ugh. Not immediately suicidal though. Which is nice. Took a long walk yesterday –one of my patented Death March to Bataan excursions- but didn’t have the energy this morning.
I spoke [...]

we’re number two

It seems impossible to turn things around and I’m am incapable of seeing even fleeting future happiness.
I find myself drawn to destructive behaviors and fantasies. These momentarily keep the demons away but are never enough.
They’re all short term answers; band-aids on the pain and despair of depression.
I just keep smiling, answering the phone, laughing [...]

All the Way to Reno

So I’m back from a few days in Santa Cruz.
I did a lot of walking along the beach, checking out the coffee houses, and reading.
The weather was sunny and at that ‘almost-Fall’ point one feels next to the sea.
It made me wonder how I ever wound up here in the desert.
Although the Boardwalk was closed [...]