There’s a signpost up ahead

So it’s day 3 back on the meds and all the side effects are creeping me out; racing heart, panic attacks, sweats, the whole shebang. Ugh. Not immediately suicidal though. Which is nice. Took a long walk yesterday –one of my patented Death March to Bataan excursions- but didn’t have the energy this morning.
I spoke [...]

bi-polar in a straight world

So today I spent two hours at the Social Security offices followed by four hours at Washoe County Mental Health.
Decided to try and accomplish two odious tasks in one day.
This is to make up for a serious crash and burn that occurred during the prior 48 hours.
Naturally neither venue provided a satisfactory answer to any [...]

Bi-Polar Part Deux!

Fucking meds. Ai.
It’s a feeling of agitation/restlessness combined with an inability to concentrate.
The medication is called Abilify but nowhere does it say Abili-not.
Titrating off the 150mg of Effexor and have one more week at 37.5 before I’m done with it for good. Been on the Effexor (and a plethora of other psychotropics) regimen for [...]

my life as andrew largeman

 
Gah mornings are the worst.
My favorite shrink Ellis once told me this was typical of depression; your average wing-nut doesn’t begin to ‘feel’ any better until late in the day or evening.
Hell, if I knew that I would have kept drinking and at least had a physical reason to feel suicidal, hopeless and worthless after [...]

check please

 
I’m feeling ready to check out now. It’s just a matter of dropping the key in the slot.
It isn’t something new. It’s been a recurrent consideration for a very long time. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression for almost 20 years.
Changes, sobriety, a successful (but stressful) business never completely banished the suicidal ideations. Of [...]