Category Archives: depression
Manic Panic
Someday this will be funny. Actually it kind of was right after I attempted it. Clearly the new mix of meds isn’t working and I had another bout of severe mixed state mania. I could tell it was starting because … Continue reading
Filed under bi-polar, depression, suicide, Uncategorized
The Banana Peel of Death
Some night I’ll drink one too many glasses of wine and take one too many sleeping pills. Just have a feeling. Is it suicide then? Not sure. The Magic 8 Ball says Conditions Cloudy. Check Later. The older I get … Continue reading
Filed under accidental death, death, depression, suicide
The Sharpest Knife
Sharp serrated insidious Foolish mind and heart Believed the pain was gone for good Again I feel it start The daily choices made by me Keening call of quiet dark No one who can listen Or thinks it’s but a … Continue reading
Filed under daughter, death, depression, romance, suicide
bi-polar in a straight world
So today I spent two hours at the Social Security offices followed by four hours at Washoe County Mental Health. Decided to try and accomplish two odious tasks in one day. This is to make up for a serious crash … Continue reading
Filed under bi-polar, death, depression, medication, SSD, Washoe County Mental Health
Bi-Polar Part Deux!
Fucking meds. Ai. It’s a feeling of agitation/restlessness combined with an inability to concentrate. The medication is called Abilify but nowhere does it say Abili-not. Titrating off the 150mg of Effexor and have one more week at 37.5 before I’m … Continue reading
Filed under bi-polar, depression, medication, Nevada, suicide
we’re number two
It seems impossible to turn things around and I’m am incapable of seeing even fleeting future happiness. I find myself drawn to destructive behaviors and fantasies. These momentarily keep the demons away but are never enough. They’re all short term … Continue reading
Filed under depression, Nevada, Reno, suicide, usurus bank fees
my life as andrew largeman
Gah mornings are the worst. My favorite shrink Ellis once told me this was typical of depression; your average wing-nut doesn’t begin to ‘feel’ any better until late in the day or evening. Hell, if I knew that I … Continue reading
Filed under bi-polar, depression, garden state, medication
check please
I’m feeling ready to check out now. It’s just a matter of dropping the key in the slot. It isn’t something new. It’s been a recurrent consideration for a very long time. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression for … Continue reading
Filed under bi-polar, daughter, depression, medication, romance, sobriety, SSD, suicide
Nights Home Alone, Med Trials, and Fucking Mornings
~~September 8 2007~~ I can see seven hot air balloons up in the sky, not too far from here. All I have to do is tilt my head from this monitor screen to the window. The balloon races are an … Continue reading
Filed under depression, romance
last night i dreamed
Last night I danced in my dreams and it was so delicious and happy in a beautiful black dress and my cool-ass Ray-Bans even though I also saw the woman in the green dress fall down dead at the staircase … Continue reading
Filed under depression, dreams, romance
